Author: Leona Bishop
Every day, we see conflicts - at home, at work, on the global stage. Some are constructive, leading to understanding and progress, while others? Well, they demonstrate pure power struggles, driven by ego rather than wisdom.
Look around, and it’s hard not to notice. Many of the people making the biggest decisions are also the ones throwing the biggest tantrums, and if we look at a recent example, a high-profile disagreement played out in a way that felt less like diplomacy and more like a playground scuffle, than a place for real problem-solving. Raised voices, personal digs, a tug-of-war over who gets the last word. But this isn’t just a problem for politicians - it happens in boardrooms, family discussions, and even within friendships.
So, what’s the difference between healthy conflict from pointless fighting?
Conflict isn't the problem - fighting is
Conflict is natural. It happens when people see things differently – and that’s fine. In fact, a well-handled conflict can lead to better decisions, stronger relationships, and real progress.
Fighting, on the other hand, is what happens when the goal shifts from understanding to winning. When the conversation stops being about the issue and starts being about power, control, and ego. It’s what we see in political debates where no one is actually listening. It’s the family argument that circles back to the same old grudges. It’s the workplace clash that becomes personal instead of productive.
And let’s be honest – have you ever seen someone change their mind because they were shouted down or humiliated? Probably not.
The Functionally Fluent way to handle conflict
Mature, Functionally Fluent adults take a different approach. They don’t avoid conflict, but they also don’t let it spiral into an emotional wrestling match. Instead, they:
This isn’t about being passive. And it’s certainly not about letting bad behaviour slide. It’s about responding effectively – choosing actions that actually lead somewhere, rather than just adding to the noise.
When anger has a purpose
Not all anger is destructive. Sometimes, it’s a sign that something truly matters –that a boundary is being crossed. The key is how you use it.
Destructive Anger (ineffective behaviour) – Shouting, attacking, belittling. It drains energy and deepens divides; or
Constructive Assertiveness (effective behavior) – Calm, firm, and clear. It draws a line without burning bridges.
And the truth is, some people just aren’t ready to handle conflict in a mature way, but when that’s the case, you always have two options:
The world needs more grown-ups
Right now, the world doesn’t need more fighting. It needs more people who can handle disagreement without turning it into destruction. Who can lead without feeding chaos.
That starts with us. In our families, our workplaces, our communities.
Because conflict is inevitable. Fighting? That’s a choice.
A reminder for all of us (Yes, even those in high places!)
