Children learn by experience. They learn how to get things that they want and our attention from the way in which we respond or react to their behaviour.
Imagine the scenario: You are busy working from home office and your children are in the other room. Suddenly there is lots of screaming, and you find them jumping up and down on the couch, hitting each other with cushions. They know this is not allowed, and you tell them to stop, but they ignore you and carry on.
Are you triggered into using immature behaviour and start shouting at them, or do you use dominating behaviour and punish them? Neither of these are effective and can even create insecurity and fear. With Functional Fluency we use our Accounting mode to pause, take a deep breath and look at what is really going on, assess what is relevant and significant in the situation, and make a conscious choice to respond in an effective way that connects to their feelings and gently guides them elsewhere. As a result, the children feel acknowledged and safe instead of threatened.
How differently do you think the children would respond if you were to be spontaneous and tell them that it looks like fantastic fun that has gone a bit out of hand and be curious about what they are doing? Or perhaps you see one of them getting hurt, so you encourage them in a nurturing way to think how the other child might feel, or how they would feel if they were getting hurt.
Connection starts with non-judgmental listening as a tool for understanding other realities. When we are available for children in a functionally fluent way it enables us to nurture, cherish and guide them. Sometimes children just need to feel validated. So, when we are empathic, and show that we see and understand their frustrations, they are able to learn faster and accept boundaries much more easily.
Functional Fluency gives us the perfect menu to choose how to respond so that we can empower and inspire, and encourage curiosity and creativity, and provide children with the confidence to flourish and Thrive at Life!
