A while back, I came across a phrase that stopped me in my tracks: the Joy Of Missing Out - JOMO.
The term was coined by tech entrepreneur Anil Dash in the early 2010s as a response to the widespread FOMO - Fear Of Missing Out. He introduced it as a relatively radical but joyful idea: that stepping away from social media and constant digital stimulation could actually create more presence, peace and connection with real life.
The concept gained further depth through Christina Crook’s 2015 book ‘The Joy of Missing Out’, which expanded the conversation into the realms of wellbeing, work life balance and intentional living.
While FOMO drives us to stay busy, visible and constantly connected, JOMO points towards something quieter and perhaps more meaningful: the possibility that stepping back from the noise can help us reconnect with what genuinely matters.
Yet the more I reflected on the idea, the more I found myself wondering whether joy is actually where the process begins. Perhaps before we arrive at the joy of missing out, we first need something else: the conscious Choice Of Missing Out - COMO.
Because before we experience the clarity, spaciousness or appreciation that JOMO can bring, we often need to consciously decide what no longer deserves our energy, attention or participation. That isn’t always an easy choice to make, especially in a world where visibility is often mistaken for value, and speed for effectiveness.
COMO is therefore not about disengaging from life or withdrawing from responsibility. Rather, it is about becoming more intentional about how we live, work and lead, and more discerning about what we allow to shape our attention, our behaviour and ultimately our lives.
For leaders, this feels especially relevant. The modern workplace, together with the online world surrounding it, frequently rewards speed, responsiveness and constant availability. There is often an unspoken expectation that good leadership means being everywhere, knowing everything and remaining endlessly productive, but sustainable leadership rarely comes from trying to do it all. More often, it comes from recognising what matters most and having the courage to focus our energy there.
Many of us move between multiple roles every day - leader, mentor, colleague, partner, parent, creative thinker, caretaker - each role carries different expectations, emotional demands and responsibilities. Some of these roles energise us deeply, while others can quietly drain us over time. The challenge is not simply managing all these roles, but becoming aware of which ones are most aligned with our values, our principles and the kind of life we want to lead.
This is where intentionality becomes essential, because it asks us to examine not only what we are doing, but also why we are doing it.
It gently invites questions such as:
What is driving my behaviour right now?
Am I acting from fear of being left behind, from pressure to remain visible or relevant, or from the comfort of staying constantly busy?
Or am I making choices that genuinely reflect what matters most to me?
These are not always comfortable questions, but they can help us recognise the difference between living reactively and living deliberately.
When we begin to live with greater awareness, something important starts to shift. We become more capable of responding thoughtfully rather than simply reacting automatically to every demand, distraction or expectation that comes our way. We begin to notice that not every invitation deserves a yes, not every opportunity deserves our exhaustion and not every opinion requires our emotional energy.
Sometimes the most meaningful decision is not adding more, but consciously deciding what we no longer need to participate in so that we can give better energy to the people, responsibilities and experiences that genuinely matter.
Seen in this light, COMO is not self indulgent or disconnected from responsibility. In many ways, it is deeply responsible, because our choices shape more than just our own wellbeing. They influence the quality of our relationships, our leadership, our teams and the environments we help create around us. We exist in relationship, not in isolation, and the way we use our energy inevitably ripples outward into the lives of others.
When we begin to step back from constant stimulation and unnecessary noise, something quieter often emerges in its place: appreciation. Appreciation for time, for depth, for meaningful conversations and for the people who truly deserve our presence. We may also discover a renewed appreciation for our own capacity to show up well, not everywhere, but where it matters most.
Perhaps this is where JOMO naturally begins to emerge. Not as avoidance or escape, but as the emotional consequence of living more intentionally and with greater discernment.
The real joy of missing out, then, lies not in doing less for the sake of it, but in choosing more carefully where we place our time, attention and energy. It invites us to ask ourselves which roles need us most right now, what deserves our best energy and what we may need to release in order to honour a more meaningful yes elsewhere.
These are not productivity hacks or simplistic lifestyle choices. They are deeply human questions connected to identity, values and the way we want to contribute to the world around us.
Perhaps that is where a quieter and more sustainable form of leadership begins: not in trying to be everything to everyone, but in becoming intentional enough to recognise what truly matters and courageous enough to honour it.
When that happens, leadership often becomes less performative and more grounded. Decisions become more sustainable, relationships more genuine and our presence more meaningful.
Maybe that is where real fluency begins . . . in becoming intentional with our energy, our choices and the way we show up in the world.
Perhaps the invitation is simply this:
To pause for a moment and notice where your energy has been going lately.
To reflect on what genuinely matters to you at this stage of your life and work.
And to consider whether there are things you have been automatically saying yes to that no longer deserve your time, attention or emotional energy.
Not everything needs to be carried.
Not everything needs to be answered immediately.
Not everything needs your participation.
Sometimes a more meaningful life begins with becoming conscious enough to choose differently.