Would you like to be led by you?

Welcome to part 6 in a 7-part blog series exploring the A.I.M. for Effectiveness© journey — told through real-life stories.

Each blog explores a different part of the A.I.M. approach — Awareness, Integration, and Modelling — and how these show up in the mess and magic of daily life. If you’ve only just joined us, you can catch up via the links at the bottom of this page.

Keep reading — these aren’t just concepts. They’re human experiences, and maybe you’ll see yourself in the stories we share.

Modelling: Part 1 of Step 3 in the A.I.M. for Effectiveness© Journey

Would you trust a leader who never admits they’re wrong?

Neither would I.

And yet, in so many settings - at home, at work, in teams and organisations—those in leadership roles often feel intense pressure to always get it right, hold everything together, and stay in control. Vulnerability is still too often mistaken for weakness. Mistakes are brushed aside. Tension simmers just beneath the surface.

It only takes two people for group dynamics to kick in, so yes, even “just the two of us” counts.

It comes from modelling what it looks like to be fully human and Functionally Fluent.

Beyond being right: modelling effective behaviour

When we talk about modelling, we’re not talking about perfection. We’re talking about presence, integrity and responsiveness. We’re asking:

• Do I and others benefit from my behaviour?
• Am I responding with awareness or reacting from old patterns?
• Are we achieving what truly matters?

These questions help us step into intentional effectiveness. They keep us grounded in reality, open to learning, and focused on impact, not ego, and when leaders model this way of being, they don’t just lead, they inspire.

André’s story

André was the managing partner of a consultancy going through a demanding period of change. New structures were being introduced, and roles were shifting. Clients were expecting seamless continuity, even as the ground beneath the organisation was moving.

André was smart, strategic and deeply committed to the business, he cared, but something wasn’t working.

His team, once creative and collaborative, had become quiet and cautious. People did their jobs but little more than that.... the spark had gone.

André was puzzled. “I’ve always been open,” he said. “I value collaboration.”

But in practice, his behaviour told another story.

When people raised concerns, his tone shifted. He interrupted, his posture tensed, and even when he didn’t say much, his presence signalled: be careful.

Eventually, someone named it in a team feedback session:

 “It’s hard to speak up around you. It feels like there’s only one right answer and it’s always yours.”

That landed hard, but André didn’t dismiss it.

He took it in, he paused...

and then he made a choice.

Shedding light on the shadow

We all carry patterns from the past, strategies that once helped us survive, succeed or stay safe. They often live in the shadows, unseen but deeply felt.

For André, the underlying belief was clear: If I’m not in control, things will fall apart.

That strategy had served him well early in life, but now, in a collaborative environment that required trust and shared ownership, it was doing the opposite of what he intended.

He started paying closer attention to how his behaviour was landing and tracked the difference between what he thought he was modelling and what others were experiencing.

Then, in a team meeting, he said:

“I realise I haven’t been making it easy to challenge me. I’ve been more focused on being right than on being effective. I’m going to practise responding differently, and I’d welcome your support.”

It wasn’t dramatic, but it was real.
That’s modelling.
That’s leadership.

What changed when André shifted?

The transformation in André wasn’t a single moment. It was a series of choices – quiet, consistent and powerful.

• He became more grounded, and reality based. He started naming what was really happening rather than making assumptions or reacting. That clarity helped him see both the problems and the people more clearly.
• He softened, without losing strength. He began showing care, not just checking in about tasks, but about how people were doing. His empathy wasn’t dramatic, but it was genuine.
• He brought structure without rigidity. He clarified roles, set boundaries and followed through. Not to control, but to create a safe container for people to do their best work.
• He collaborated with genuine respect. He stopped finishing people’s sentences or correcting them mid-thought. Instead, he paused, listened and invited input.
• He brought his full self to work. He laughed more and showed up with playfulness, creativity and zest. People began to feel not only seen, but safe to bring more of themselves too.

These aren’t just ‘soft skills’. They are powerful, intentional behaviours.

In Functional Fluency, these examples of behaviour fall under the five Golden Modes of effective behaviour, and when they’re active, people don’t just perform better, they relate better, grow faster and trust deeper.

Do I embody what I hope to inspire?

This is the real modelling question, because people learn from what we do, not just what we say.

If you want others to be honest, transparent and responsive, you must show them how. If you want others to regulate their nervous systems and navigate stress, they need to see you do it. If you want others to grow, your willingness to grow has to be visible.

Modelling isn’t about being impressive, it’s about being congruent. It’s about closing the gap between your values and your actions,  between what you teach and how you live.

Your turn

This is where the Modelling step of the A.I.M. for Effectiveness© journey begins — not with performance, but with presence. It’s where we start living what we’ve become aware of, and practising what we’ve been integrating. Modelling is about showing up in ways that reflect our values and intentions — not perfectly, but consistently enough that others feel it too.

Here are a few questions to sit with this week:

• What are you currently modelling in your most important relationships?
• Are there areas where your behaviour and your intentions are out of sync?
• Have you recently asked for feedback on your behaviour—actively and openly?
• What feedback do you sometimes resist and what might it be trying to show you?
• What’s one moment this week where you could model effective behaviour, even under pressure?

You don’t have to get it perfect.
You just have to be present.
And willing to practise.

That’s what makes your influence real.

What’s next?

In the next blog, we will go one layer deeper and explore how to model effective behaviour not just one-to-one, but in relational and group dynamics, especially when the atmosphere gets challenging.

How do you stay grounded when others are reactive?
How do you invite effectiveness without slipping into old patterns yourself?
And how do you become a catalyst for real transformation in the people around you?

We’ll cover all that – and more – in Blog #7: Modelling Under Pressure.

Leona Bishop